So yeah the nine month thing... thanks Keck, nope not having a baby... just leaving the country... you see God has laid upon the heart of me and my girlfriend Becky Edighoffer the idea, the desire, and the willingness to go on a learning journey, not too unlike the journey the guys in the book "Four Souls" went on.

We are scheduled to leave in January and will be gone for 6 to 12 months, yeah possibly gone for the entire calendar year of 2004. This is cool and crazy, at times I wonder if we will make it... I mean what's life and living in the will of God without a question of clarification if this is where God wants you to be.

We will be meeting up with local Christians or missionaries to encourage them, to learn how the gospel is being lived out among their people group and to see how we can bless them be it through labor, spending quality time, teaching, playing with the kids at orphanages etc. I personally do not know what all God will have us do but I know what God has called us to be on this trip and in our life together.

Which by the way this is not an announcement but just letting you all know where we are in the process of getting married. I have not done all it takes to propose to her (aka getting a ring and other things that have to happen) but any day now I will be making those things happen, God and others have put His and their blessing on our relationship and we have decided that we should go on this journey together... let me fix that phrase... God has made the impression on our hearts that we should go on this journey as a married couple.

Yeah so that's us and the learning Journey.

currently I need to make money to pay the bills and to afford the wedding and eventually the apartment and other things that cost money etc.

I have given up on my truck, the fourth piston is bad. (probably cracked) and so the 600$ that I bought the truck with is gone now.. and there is little to no resale value on it ... so I hope the weather will break for many reasons, one is the possibility of work (construction firms don't hire until the ground is thaw) and the other is then I can bike to work wherever it may be... I know this will be good for my health.. and sanity.

But in the mean time could you pray for my health mentally and emotionally I had a number of anxiety attacks today... I have no idea how a father or a mother could make it with out a job... like bills are enormous when there is no money coming in. I hope to learn from God what it is I need to learn (probably humility and better spending habits) quickly so that I can be financially responsible again.

oh yeah and its looking like I am quitting my involvement with Breakpoint... shocking I know... if you have questions call me ... later I will post more about that decision and why Emergent and Dallas Willard pushed me over the edge on that one.

ok so the self esteem book is really good... anyone struggling with depression or self-esteem issues (can surface in many ways, depression and addiction are only a few) I would recommend this book to... here's the link. Self Esteem by: Matthew Mc Kay

anyways, two jobs leads died today... now gonna file for unemployment and grab a GR press and search the help wanted section... Its gonna be rough though cause who wants an employee for 9 months?

thanks for your prayers... meeting with Breakpoint folks to break the strange news to them about my position and calling... more on that later... after I inform all of them so they don't find it out in blogville.

real quick, not sure what's going on here.

reading a book on self-esteem... great book... finally puts to words a struggle of mine with which I have had to deal with for all of my life... and now .. just now at 22 years old I am beginning to see it and re-frame things in my mind so as not to give voice to the critic in my head the pathological critic.

connecting with some friends today, hope to call John and Brian.

looking for a job, its rough. I must find one soon to be able to afford things like food rent and school bills (oh yeah and my cell phone)
so far no leads

my truck died last night... not too sure if I can resuscitate it yet... but with it being as cold as it is here right now I am not looking forward to trying to fix it... especially out on the road where it lies right now...

Becky and I are doing great, thanks for the advice John on investing my all into her... I totally agree with that and I am committed to doing just that.

Breakpoint met in an apartment last night... some how I fell like things are drifting away there..

oh yeah and got into a fight with the senior pastor of Calvary (planting church of breakpoint) some people are just hard to get along with... but that sets the rest of my day down... its frustrating to leave on not so good terms...