Intimacy is something I have been focusing on the last week or so and I plan to focus on it for a while. I am trying to build intimacy with my soon to be wife Rebekah Edighoffer, (24 days now!) and then I read my devotions from Judges Ch21 this morning and I wonder did I do it all wrong?
" 'When the girls of Shiloh come out to join in the dancing, then rush from the vineyards and each of you seize a wife from the girls of Shiloh and go to the land of Benjamin.' ...
... So that is what the Benjamites did. While the girls were dancing, each man caught one and carried her off to be his wife. "
Should this be the way we teach our boys to find women?
If you read the passage you will understand... You know that whole context deal.
But honestly, I have now completed my devotions through the book of Judges, and though its written in storybook form its a tough one to swallow.
Have we honestly thought about Samson, about his marriage, about his rage. I know God planned for him to kill the Philistines in his death, but did God condone his temper... The foxes and fire incident... Or how about the 30 men for their jackets incident.
What about Michah and his Idols, about how the Israelites took him in and kept him for awhile...
and finally the Benjaminites... who were nearly destroyed by their brothers... And cursed by them (the no wives for them curse)
does any of this make sense... Instead we promote these people to hero status, making Samson one of the hero's of the bible, making the twelve tribes of Israel inseparable brothers, united forever.
Not that I discredit any of these stories.... IT is really incredible to see God using broken people like me... I refer back to the Father of the three Religions of the Book... Abraham... Gen 12, he Follows God's call to a new land, gets there and makes up his own mind to go to Egypt because of a famine, How often is it that we broken people trust God only so far. Or follow Him only so far. Then we must steer the ship.
God I give my whole life to you. I give you control of this ship, this vessel of yours. I want to be a tool of you, a weapon you can use against the enemy whom you have conquered. Give me the strength to get back up when I fail or fall. Help me to trust you more and more each day.
And may I build the church, may I be faithful to building your church in my family.
It has been cold and rainy all weekend and it looks like its going to be that way today again.
But despite all the weather sadness I have realized that God has blessed me with an overcoming. You see I used to be depressed when the weather would turn sour. Not any more. And I don't use drugs.
Its really an incredible thing when God gives you victory over something which had victory over you. Please don't think that the battle is done or that its all easy from here. No instead its picking up from the storm, its rebuilding foundations and being vigilant for the next attack. Watching for a Trojan horse attack and being aware of what the devil uses to bring me down.
So if somehow you are reading this, know there is hope, that Drugs and medication do not solve all lives woes, but that if you remain faithful, and if God so chooses to bless you, then you too can conquer depression.
Why is it that we have so many folks around who struggle with depression, and even more who are heavily medicated for depression? What drugs, or non-healthy food have we been consuming for years which has brought this about?
Or is it society... The lack of fathers, the lack of good disicipline etc.?
God teach us how to follow your ways, how to be righteous, and live full abundant lives. We give ourselves to you, we give our depression, our society, our lack of fathers, our craving for discipline to you, and we ask that you bring your kingdom, We long to be in relationship with you. Come Lord Jesus Come, Come Holy Spirit Come, Come. Come.
I'm Staying! The Head of Human Resources told me today she would pay for me, that it is important for her that I remain a contractor for Hydro. So I'm here! Thank you all for praying for me.
The story is kinda kool, Its a total God thing! You see she called me into her office (the head of Human Resources) to ask a question about some internet stuff she was doing, which has nothing to do with my work here. So I answered and she replied 'well I'll do all this setup stuff and then I'll call you back in here to help me finish it.' I told her as long as it's before Tuesday.
Suddenly things switched, the attitude became well I need you to stay. And so we talked, I explained how things would work out and she said she'd pay for me.
Please do not take the Title wrong here, this is a form of referring to God, I found this site talking about the upcoming Holidays, Judaism 101: Rosh Hashanah Inside they refer to Jehovah's sovereignty as "G-d's sovereignty. " they even have a page explaining the name of God issue. Good reads.
Makes me think we throw around God's name alot like we throw around gd, or better yet for the upstanding citizens, alot like we throw around the word "like".
So anyways what I'm trying to say is we have to respect the name of God more than we do, argue if you will about the title god (aka supreme being) versus Jehovah-God but I still think we say God meaning Jehovah God more than we should.
Would you like it if people kept invoking your name for no apparent reason? and totally ignored you after calling your name.... I know I'd be a little ticked and I have no fury like G-d's Wrath.
Paul suggests here that its Mercy that we're still alive, being sanctified because we're not perfect already... Bible Gateway : ROM 12:1-3;
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. "
The Trippy thing is that the "World" may be our Christian church mindset... don't conform to the normative, nominal christian behavior. Instead be changed, be different, be as potent as garlic by renewing your mind.... How?
Jay suggested to me that renewing of your mind, is by reading the law, the scriptures and by spending intimate time with God.
So because God is keeping me alive and holding his Wrath at bay... (Grace) I'm gonna live a life with the poteneticy of garlic, I'm not strong, no but I may be offensive to those who aren't intimate with their creator.
Ever read "You are Special" Max Lucado, the Widgets/Stars/Dots book. Stickers won't stick to me because I'm gonna become intimate with my Creator. Debates over baptism won't be important anymore. The Law will be followed.
and I will struggle at this, I will not give up.
Read this and weep devil!
Do you believe this? There is a quiz you can take to find out what religion you should be involved in, here are my top six, what does that say about me eh?
"1. Seventh Day Adventist (100%)
2. Orthodox Quaker (99%)
3. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (97%)
4. Eastern Orthodox (88%)
5. Roman Catholic (88%)
6. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (68%) "
I found that site off of a cool ad about a debate about Jesus.
.. it was interesting to say the least.
Admittily I am not perfect, but when we as humans use a term such as Eternal, shouldn't we mean it? Check it out :
‘Unknowns’ sentinels shun shelter: "Another famous symbol at the cemetery, the “eternal flame” over President John F. Kennedy’s grave, was left on its own through the storm. The natural gas-powered flame can sputter out in heavy wind or rain, but is designed to immediately reignite itself. "
This article talks about Integrity and commitment as well:
"As the winds from Hurricane Isabel swept over Arlington National Cemetery, the soldiers who guard the Tomb of the Unknowns were given — for the first time in history — permission to abandon their posts and seek shelter. “They told us that. But that’s not what’s going to happen,” said Sgt. Christopher Holmes, standing vigil on overnight duty. “That’s never an option for us. It went in one ear and right out the other.”"
Granted they are Military trained... but shouldn't we as Followers have that kind of devotion, that kind of discipline?
I admit it, I want to be on the cutting edge, from listening to news radio to watching Google News from work, to glancing over magazines in the grocery Isle. I realized how bad it got today when I scoured the 'net for up-to-the-minute details on the whereabouts of Isabel. I took a break for lunch and in the time it took me to walk to the kitchen I realized I was hooked. I relate it to the OJ Simpson Trial watching virus we all had a few years ago.
How healthy is all this?
Is it righteous to know what's going on in the world? Is it un-righteous to not know what's going on in the world? A relatively common Christian answer would be to take the middle road, that you must know what is going on around you in the world, but watching national news on abc/NBC 7pm once a day is plenty, more than that might be overkill or obsession (sometimes I wonder if I have O/C tendencies!)
I'm reading through Judges right now and I wonder about the people the Israelites in that day, did they pay attention to where their country was headed or did the workers simply say well I hear the local news talk once a day and that's good enough for me.
Are we biblically called to be cutting edge? (not just computers/cell phones here folks!) What about in Missions, in evangelism (one in the same) or in worship, etc?
A friend of Becky and I was sharing with us about his recent trip with Ray VanderLaan to Turkey and with such a good scholar alive in our day I wonder what Ray would say about being cutting edge?
Then I realize lunch break is over, time to program the matrix, worry about cutting edge tomorrow lunch.
Not sure how to take this one. I guess I'm not as much of a scholar as I want to be.
Bible Gateway : JUDG 9;: "God sent an evil spirit between Abimelech and the citizens of Shechem, who acted treacherously against Abimelech. 24 God did this in order that the crime against Jerub-Baal's seventy sons, the shedding of their blood, might be avenged on their brother "
Not much to write about today, just a little note to say we're back from Iowa, what an incredible time with the Jusinos. Despite film running out during a photo shoot we have a picture or two we might be able to share with you all.
Big changes at work today, not sure what that means for me. More to follow.
We received our packs for the trip over the weekend. Its becoming more and more real.
Due to the recent invites I have given to a few friends of mine I decided to post an update on my life, though I posted one pretty recently, here is the new version:
Work is good, I work for Hydro Automotive Structures in Holland MI. I am an outside consultant programming Access Databases for now. It is a good position and I hope to remain here until the trip. The 45 min drive to work and then back home everyday is annoying, but I have heard really good stories on NPR lately.
Becky is great, we're getting married in October, scope out our wedding site for more details of the big event. She is officially done with work @ RBC today and now is focusing on the wedding and the trip planning.
Learning Journey: we are moving forward with this trip we are scheduled to leave sometime in January, unfortunately our travel agent has not been able to nail down exact dates yet, more info to follow.
Community, I am worshipping at Ada Bible Church Great church, good people, its been home for the past 4-5 years. Breakpoint, the church plant I was involved in fell apart due to many different reasons.
Other than that I spend a lot of time surfing and reading, I like article reading as of late and that's why you see a lot of links to articles in my posts here. Here is another from Seven Magazine:
being church: "As frustrating as all of this has been to me in my weekly attempts at body life via small group ministries and corporate worship, I still have hope that a better day will come. Why am I still optimistic despite the moldy loaf that IÂ’m regularly handed? ItÂ’s because of the emerging church.
Over this past year, I have found my community and spiritual lifeline through the on-line visions of many that donÂ’t fit the static paradigms of conventional American religion. IÂ’ve found that there is a community that has new ideas, offers hope and a freshness of dreams. It is not tied up in the status quo of lives that have been sold out in a Faustian deal with American capitalism. This new model is confronting the old paradigm and has pronounced it dead and done away with. In doing this, there is no temptation of turning back to the dry bones of the traditional or even, the seeker model or paradigm. A new vision of healing in our communities is offered. Some might call it counter-cultural. I would call it Christianity."
Today is a big day for us, we begin pastoral counseling this afternoon and then go straight up to Becky's parents where she and her mom will grab a quick bite and take off to go to a dress fitting. Tomorrow morning we will leave early from there pick up Becky's G-parents and drive for 6hours Davenport Iowa to visit Christy and Jay and Bethany. It will be good to be with them again, I miss having them closer to us.
For many years I have had not-commonly accepted opinions about church. I found an article which will summarize a lot of my thinking by addressing questions.
Why I Don't Go to Church Anymore: "In our day we don't need more talk about the church, but people who are simply ready to live in its reality."
So read, please know that this exudes from my core, a struggle with imperfection, having been hurt both ways (burnt on stove and broke ankle) multiple times, yet not giving up I strive to be the missional community focused man that I am called to be.
A Friend of mine, Kyle Sanford fought a huge battle in College about people using the words worship and music or at least the ideas therein interchangeably. Last night I received an Alumni Homecoming invitation that included the phrase "praise and music."
So when we (the church) get it about worship (aka worship is not music) perhaps soon to follow is we will get it about missions, that is the truth that missions does not exist during mission trips or by foreign missionaries only. Instead Missions happens in my family, my community, my people. Where ever I am in community, that is where I am called to be mission minded.
on church.
we the people.
Father forgive our attempts at church, bless our attempts to live out your call and your love here on your earth.
Quote: "Science is not everything, but science is very beautiful." J. Robert Oppenheimer What is this world coming to when Scientists of old (I know he's dead) who were in charge of 3000 people working for the government say such things.
The scientists' argument against God and Christianity is a small minority with lots of money and a big voice. Most of their highly respected counterparts believe in God or an existence of a higher power.
Funny, I wonder if Oppenheimer ever met grace. He must have to live 20 years after the Manhattan project and 1945/Japan.
Lord open the doors so we can bring generations of people back to you. We are not worthy of your love, your power and your grace, so we come before you bowing, giving you the honor, and asking for mercy. Forgive my people the sins they have committed. forgive me for not doing that which I know to be right. Raise up your people Lord, move in their hearts and minds to not fear death, ridicule, or shame but to spread your word, your life, your grace to all.
May we all learn from our mistakes, as individuals, as a people, and as followers of you.
For those of you new to this bloggin world, it'll all make sense soon, kinda like Neo after being flushed out of the system, rest relax, let your eyes adjust to the light etc.
You'll notice that there are some links in the right column to other people's blogs, I met most of them through Allelon.
Shout out to you guys and girls. I've been missing you. And yeah Keck, if you out there, readin this.... ditto, been missing you.
Sent out 400+ Emails last night with the click of one button.
Some people say I know too many people, others know what it means to be an extrovert :-)
Anyways, I'm trying out this tool, new to me and kinda new to the world, currently works with Outlook and Outlook Express, the Idea is handy get people to update your address book with their info for you. no sending emails to them, typing in their info in your book etc. Anyways, check it out @ Plaxo Contact Networks.
I have done some searches for my name and come up with some pretty random sites, most are blogs using the same links as Allelon. It has been a blessing to be involved in this family. Despite my disapearance from the radar screen for a while.
Ever read the book "Lament for a Son" it ripped my heart out, yet I feel it is an extreme need for many people to read this book. One of the Allelon troops opened up his grief to the world on the web, it too rips at my heart to read the pain and grief, but the healing is good. (Hint, scroll down and read from a month ago forward.)
PS For those of my family and friends who are knew to this site, please click on the word comment below to add your comments etc.
Some of you may be saying, wow Paul just went to town blogging on that day, I know but I really want to share this with you all.
I am currently involved in a mega-church's attempt at a small group for 18-29 year olds, some call it college and careers, some call it a singles ministry, others call it home. Whatever you wish to call it, if you know about then this Great Article from Kevin Rains should point out some things we need to learn yet.
I have not been attending the group for some time. It makes me sad but being there was making me angry. How does one find true community here on this broken planet?
Grace, she takes the blame
She covers the shame
Removes the stain
It could be her name
Grace, it's the name for a girl
It's also a thought that changed the world
And when she walks on the street
You can hear the strings
Grace finds goodness in everything
Grace, she's got the walk
Not on a ramp or on chalk
She's got the time to talk
She travels outside of karma
She travels outside of karma
When she goes to work
You can hear her strings
Grace finds beauty in everything
Grace, she carries a world on her hips
No champagne flute for her lips
No twirls or skips between her fingertips
She carries a pearl in perfect condition
What once was hurt
What once was friction
What left a mark
No longer stings
Because Grace makes beauty
Out of ugly things
Started re-reading Mere Christianity by the man CS Lewis.
kicking me even today just thinking about how much God has put in us, how much the painter is not His painting but you can see the painter in the painting. And the moral law thing, to argue with people from what they know as common practice (debate, or arguing who is right/wrong) and 'proving' the existence of a God, and seeing some of His characteristics from that 'proof.'
yet people I meet and try to "convert" fall into one of three categories, 1. Bum on the street, 2. nominal believer -- no matter what faith or 3. A person who has so rigidly built an argument around them that I feel I cannot carry a good debate with them, aka I'm not at their level.
but check out what Lewis says about all this, (paraphrase) often people want God to come here on earth, but what we all know about God that would not be a good thing, we know he always does the right thing, and we know we know the right thing yet we still do the wrong thing, God will not be pleased with us.
How can I ever be so cocky to think that God will be pleased with me.
only seven more weeks and I will not have to leave her side at night,
only seven more weeks and I will be married forever,
only seven more weeks and this akward position of already but not yet will be over.
Blending finances,
living together,
understanding eachother,
loving eachother,
I Long so much to be married, and (here's a new development) to be a dady. I have realized that it is possible, that God has created me to be a dady, I have the heart, the passion, the ability, and the blessing. A friend of mine had a daughter last night, firneds of ours had a son 3 weeks ago, and as Becky was holding Owen she looked at me and said she was ready. My heart jumped into my throat. I was not.
But as the wedding day approaches, as I convert from single life to the two having become one life I long to share with her, in childbirth, in childrearing and in child loving.
Then I read John Wallis's ::..::gathering my way::..:: . and I realize yup. This is it.
So we make plans to be married, to travel (looking like we'll be gone from Janurary 2004 to June 2005, 1.5 years!), and to hopefully have kids after our Learning Journey.
But realistically, if we weren't called to go on this trip, I can see us being pregnant in a year's time. Wow, me a dady. Exciting.
oh yeah and the job is going well, might not have it after this month but I probally will. Car is running (I need to work on it again) and wedding plans are comming together as well as trip plans. There's my life in a paragraph.
|Paul| |Kortman| - a site by Paul about Paul and for you the people. Stay a while, read, relax, enjoy.
Please comment
|details|
|Location| |Michigan|
|Wife| |Rebekah Anne|
|Quest| |To be made a servant to God and Others|
|Gifts| |Life, Grace, People, Computers, Leadership|
|Future| |Learning Journey|
